I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
