I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
