we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
