Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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