Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
