so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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