She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
