I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
don't judge my taste in strippers
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
