if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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