I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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