Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
