So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
