I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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