Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
