Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
farters have to be the big spoon...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize