Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
