I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Randomize
