I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize