oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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