I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
