I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
