Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
