and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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