So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
