My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize