I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
