Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
