Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Randomize
