we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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