my mouth tastes like poor choices
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
