Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize