Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
