kristin has been a bad kristin
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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