FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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