ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
