i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
All I want is dick and wine.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize