i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
