I think i peed on brittanys purse
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
