You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
