OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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