careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize