No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
