oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
