somebody snuck up and got me drunk
two words: eviction party
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
