Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So much Jack, so little girl.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
