We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
