Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize