Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
