There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
