Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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