If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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