it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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