My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
