I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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