I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
