i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
