i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
