Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You ruined the universe
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
