1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
