dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
