Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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