It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
