If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
