when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I need to calm my uterus...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
