fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
