I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize