I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
