Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
