I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
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