His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
