just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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