hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
