I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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