my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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