My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
