Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
