the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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