Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
