We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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