Duck Duck Cougar?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
