I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
