Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
