i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She bit a glass in half.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
