You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
