So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
