he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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