The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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