He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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