I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
