OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
NoShamevember. You game?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i out mim tonsoeep
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
