respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Ladies don't puke and tell
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
he's single and there are thong briefs.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
