Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize