Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
