oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
