I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
