At least make sure they are 18
Why
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
