Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So much rum. So many feels.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
