I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize