I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
