I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
