i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She's not a foreskin expert like you
me + whiskey = a bad person
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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