I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just googled if crying burns calories
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize