I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize