someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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