I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
