Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
