so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
