I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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