so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize