Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
