She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
