"it" just moved
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's shark week go big or go home
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
