Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
